Be Kind to Yourself!

     Since moving to New Zealand a lot has happened in my personal life. Not all good, but also not all bad. And through all the tough stuff, I have always tried to see the light at the end of the hypothetical tunnel. However,  that can be really hard to do. When you reach out to your best friends for some sort of advice that you hope in that moment, will be life changing, and all you get back is, " you'll be fine, one day at a time, things could always be worse". Some of those "words of wisdom" can just end up really pissing you off even more. And making you're already bad situation and shitty feelings, seem even worse. So in this comes a life lesson! At least for me. 

     Be kind to yourself. Life has a funny way of being, just that! Life! We can't always predict what's going to happen, where would the fun be in that?! There are the days that bring such happiness and joy in them, and then there are the days that you just want to stay at home and watch tv all day to escape your own life. And sometimes we need that. A sort of "mental health day". And I think that's fine, because you are listening to yourself and being kind to yourself. 

     I pride myself on paying attention to others and being a good judge of character. But in that, I have learned to do the same within myself. Since being in New Zealand, meeting new people and working with others, I have really taken notice of something interesting.  I have noticed that kiwi's tend to put themselves and their needs and wants before others. And I mean that in the best way!  I have also taken that on board as something I'd like to insert into my life and live a bit more by. I have had conversations about this with different people I know here in New Zealand, and most have agreed with me. I think there is something to be said for putting yourself first in a very unselfish way. 

     Canadians are very apologetic, and don't often say no to things. I am very guilty of being the "yes man", in previous jobs, relationships and with friends and family. But I have learned to be more kind to myself. And by doing that, I have learned to let things go that maybe I have been holding onto. Things that I can't change or that maybe weren't my fault to begin with. These things would make me feel unhealthy inside. Resulting in NOT being kind to myself. I have realized that it's ok to speak my mind and be firm in what I believe, because I know myself, very well, and I'm not a bad person. So it's ok not to take a job that I don't want. Or not take extra shifts, that will more than likely quickly become me saying "yes", to more overtime. Or to just allow myself to live the life that I want to live. The life that makes me happy inside and out. 

     Be kind to yourself. You've all you got! 

Weekly Hangovers and the Middle Age Spread

     Do you remember when you were younger and heard people talk about their hangovers, and how long they would last? I bet you thought, "yeah sure ya old bastard, whatever, toughen up! "I would also bet that you are regretting that now aren't cha! That is if you're in your mid to late thirties or older, because I can honestly say that if I drank like I used to, I would have a hang over for a week! I mean it! I remember the days when I could go to the allocated booze cupboard, ( you know the one with all the left over smorgasbord of pre drinking booze that your friends left behind), make up some sort of concoction that I could swallow down for some effect. A drink that I would never have the mental capacity to come up with now. Drink however many glasses of whatever it was that I came up with , and then think that having one more of everyone's favorite, and good old faithful -TEQUILA, was a good idea.

I had a great pre-drink going out game! I mean, I could hammer back the booze, still walk and talk and look what "I" thought, was some sort of attractive to the opposite sex. Like at that pre-going out stage, it's a wonder I was ever allowed into a cab! But you're agile when you're on your best game aren't you. At least at that stage and age. And by best game I mean, the sheer embarrassment of being so drunk there is no way you would ever feel good about yourself in any sort of way the next day, if you remember anything at all. 

     When I lived with my roomie and one of my best friends, we would take a cab, (but only on special occasions, like if one of us got a good sale at the liquor store) and were therefore saving the cost for a cab. Or there were those fun sprints in 4 inch heels, that weren't broke in yet, to take the skanky ferry because it was even cheaper than a cab. And my roomie would ask me not to talk to the cab driver. As I have said in my "About Me" page, people ALWAYS talk to me and tell me their life's stories. So sure enough, I would talk to the cab driver. It always started with something like, "how is your night going?, Which bars have you been doing a lot of drop off's at?" And if we're being serious here, I was mainly asking to find out where the majority of hot guys were. You know the ones that looked amazing with beer goggles on, but like a bag of smashed assholes to a sober person.

So it seemed natural to chat with the cab drivers. But what seemed unnatural were , the dance moves I had when I was drinking. It's like I could contort my body in ways I never knew possible of myself. And yet there I was, grinding one of my best friends, that would otherwise be like, " what the fuck are you doing?", in sober life. Tucking my purse in a hole of some oddly placed speaker, or at my feet of the disgusting dance floor. Not sure what I was worried about being stolen. The only thing worth taking would be my over priced lipstick and ID. But as the years went on I got smart! I would put my ID in my bra, on the side so it wouldn't dig in ( you're welcome younger versions of myself :)

     Which leads me to the fact that I would never do that now. Why you ask? Because the "middle age spread" has taken over my life! It's like I just woke up one day, which for me was just after my 37th birthday, and my actual body had looked as though it had spread wider. WHAT THE HELL !!! It's bad enough that my tits have for some reason grown like chia pets that have been well watered. So now, its soooooo  much fun shopping for someone who is not only short with big tits and hips, but also a torso that looks like I have on a life jacket at all times under my clothes. 

     Anyways, the weekly hangover and middle age spread, are two of those "important" subjects that people tell you about throughout your life. And there are certain people that make sure you NEVER forget about them! But, until they happen, which they may not for you, just enjoy those weird drinks that seem like they should have their own zipcode, and the middle age spread that once it happens you will just want to eat more chips and dip. Love your years, young or not, because they are all you've got! And love your curves and age, because all of this helps define who you are, and where you came from! 

How's married life treatin ya?

     For all you newly married gals out there, how many times have you been asked, "how's married life treatin ya?". Like what do people expect you to say? Seriously! I mean what are people hoping you'll say?. " Ya, married life is absolute shit! Don't do it! Save yourself the time, money, family agro and just give it a miss." Or, " I fucking hate it, and him! It's just a title, wish I didn't go through with it. Should have taken a page out of the "Run Away Bride and literally ran away!" So, when people ask me, "how's married life treatin ya?", my answer is always, " I don't feel it's any different." And I truly don't.

The only thing that is different, is that now I have another person to share my life with. I know that sounds mushy, and for the most part it is. I was never the little girl that thought I was a princess waiting for my prince charming. But I did however, as I got older, think about my actual wedding day and what I would want. From the colors to the setting. And the setting is pretty much all I kept in terms of my preconceived wedding day ideas. Now I have a wonderful man that treats me right, who doesn't disrespect me and wants the best for me always. A man that agrees that communication is the key to us having a successful long lasting healthy friendship and marriage. As well as hundreds of other reasons of course! :) 

Married life to me may mean more, because I'm a bit older than what I, even assumed I would be when getting married. I lived with my husband before we got married as well and maybe that also has something to do with it. Although, for me, I felt that I was just ready. I had come out of a really shitty situation, ( I won't call it a relationship, because it wasn't that important), when I met my husband. So as the old story goes, it will happen when you least expect it to. And I have to say, that I agree with the "idea" behind that saying, but I feel very differently towards the premise of it. I feel like when we are in touch with ourselves, our wants, and needs, but most importantly, what we DESERVE...then we are ready to be OPEN to meeting the right person. I feel like saying to someone, " it will happen when you least expect it", is a cop out. The saying takes all the effort you need to be doing within yourself out of the equation, and puts a lot of unnecessary pressure into it.  And sometimes that pressure is directed at the other person/potential partner. 

Married life isn't something to take lightly. Or at least I don't think so. I hold myself to a very high standard in terms of being a wife, but also and more importantly, being a strong independent thinking woman. So that when I'm asked, "how's married life treatin ya?", I can answer with..."It's amazing!  I was ready and open to meet the right man. I took the time I needed to be completely good with ME, before I entered into a relationship with my husband. And in turn it has allowed me to be a better friend and partner."  And hey look peeps, I'm not saying it's always easy, but I can say, that I have never been happier. Truly! So married life is treating me pretty damn good I'd say!

Communication is the key to ANY type of successful relationship

     It has always been so interesting to me that when asked what the most important part of any relationship is, most people say trust and or honesty. It's as if they think that trust is just naturally there, and that being honest comes hand in hand with that. I don't feel that way at all. In fact I firmly believe that communication is the key to success in ANY and EVERY relationship in life. 

     I come from a family with a French background and let's just say that communication isn't their best quality... lol Love you mom! And I have also had to learn how to be more communicative and say certain things in a manner that maybe takes more time or more thought, but ultimately makes more sense. Or at least I hope so. I feel like it's sort of like texting, if words aren't explained as best to a person's ability then things can be misconstrued or misunderstood. 

     As life plugs along and we go from job to job and relationship to relationship, be it family, friends, or partners, there is a certain amount of communication that comes into play that is natural.  And it's very interesting that, when I personally look back at some of those previous situations and how they were handled, by me or otherwise, some of the worst parts of those could have been a hell of a lot easier or handled better, if only either party would have communicated.

For example, when starting a new job. We are told to be honest and ask for what we want. That we will never receive that respect or the position we desire unless we ask for it. And then being at the job for some time and thinking you have the right to speak your mind and give to the job in any sort of way, and your ideas get shot down or simply not heard. BUT in my experience many times I felt I was being honest and telling that new boss that I wanted to work up into a supervisory or management role, I also got the, "sure we will see how it goes", look or reply. And there were times I did move up into these positions, but only because I clawed my way into them. Or I would just do the amount of work that was asked of me and nothing more ( which didn't come to me until later in life), or the other end of things, and I would simply quit. Hence my extremely long resume! Because what's the point of telling you what I expect for myself, which should be something a boss looks for in a good employee, working my ass off, and then not moving an inch up the so called "totem pole". It's a very interesting point in your life when you are at a job that you love and you truly feel like you give it your all, and for whatever reason, your ALL doesn't seem to be enough. It's no different if you take out the work and insert the family or partner into this situation. 

     Now I know I'm talking about communication here, and it may seem like I have gotten off topic, but I assure you, I haven't. Communication is the key to success that I wished I had used for many things, many years ago. I don't know why it is that we are so worried to ask for what we want in life. The better position at work, the proper treatment from a partner, the respectful "thank you", that is expected when you hold the door for someone at the grocery store. But for whatever reason, many of us don't expect anything more, than in that moment, what we deserve.

     Well that's not good enough. Why the hell do you think that the man you have been dating for months, continues to get away with every annoying and disrespectful thing he does...because YOU LET HIM - DUH!!! Because you haven't communicated that you expect and deserve otherwise (and p.s, if you have and thing's haven't changed, give your head a shake).

The way you are letting yourself be treated is because you don't think highly enough of yourself to communicate that, unless they clean up their act, get their shit together, and take the fucking garbage out once in a while, then you will never have that. People aren't mind readers. 

     Communication helps with being honest and trustworthy, so go ahead and do more of it!  I always say that people don't need to question my character because I say what I mean, ask for what I want,  and therefore can be trusted to be honest in my life. If a friend is asking your opinion of her boyfriend or the new shade of lipstick she is wearing, you don't have to be an asshole and stab her in the heart with a sharp tongue, but instead you can communicate to her in a thoughtful, caring manner, that while that new shade is nice,  you saw another one at HER favorite store that would also look amazing on her. 

     No matter which way you look at it, in life, I feel, communication is the key to any and every successful relationship. We just need to know how to allow ourselves to TRUST that we have something important to say,  and use our voices to make things happen. And to be HONEST with ourselves to let COMMUNICATION lead our lives to get, have and be who and what we are and stand for today! 

You got this!

"I got this", has literally become my life's mantra.

When I first started dating my husband, we were having a conversation and I said to him, "this is genuinely how I feel, and as much as I love who you are and am so in love with you, if you decided to leave me tomorrow for whatever reason it may be, sure I'd be heartbroken, and yes I would cry for days, but then I'd get over it. I'd move on because "I GOT ME"!

Now mind you he didn't care for this at first but as time went on he understood. 

I don't NEED a man to make my life complete, I wanted a partner to "do" life with. I NEED a job but I'm not willing to settle for less than I'm worth. "I" make the conscious decision to invite people into my life and my circle. And it's up to me to make sure that I protect myself first and foremost.

It's up to ME to allow the words, and the actions to hurt or hinder me in any way. If I can't own the changes I need to improve my life and essentially my SELF, when times are tough and shits getting real hard, no one else will have me, so "I got this".

Now I'm not saying that my husband, friends or family wouldn't be there for me, but it's not the same. And it shouldn't be. It's great to have support, but we need to be standing in our own corner of the ring of life. 

So funny story about me in regards to staying strong within yourself, and having your own back in times of need. My husband and I decided to go for a hike. When I say hike, I'm the type that a hike means a leisurely stroll along a path, with a back pack full of snacks and cool refreshments in it...aka wine!

I read the reviews about this so called hike, and not once did it say it wasn't meant for the faint of heart, not once did it say that during most of the hike you will feel like your lungs are going to blow out your ears because you need to get your ass to the gym, and should have been doing extensive training before this hike!

And not once did it say that you should probably have a donkey to help carry your ass up the bloody steep mountain side. But there I was doing it anyways. My husband was in the lead, mostly because his legs are longer, but mainly because I didn't want to hold him up with all my panting and spitting.

At first I thought, "Ok this won't be that bad", and the view is meant to be amazing at the top. It will all be worth it". But at about the 1/4 of the way mark, I had some serious doubts I was going to be able to do this. With my husbands support and my inner crazy coming out to help push my mind through this hellish hike...all I kept thinking was... " I got this... I can do this... I'm doing this". This mantra I repeated to myself over and over again, and it was when I was just about to the top I thought ..."ok I'm not sure I got this".  Looking up at the steep wall of smoothed over rocks, that looked as though I should have cables and a pulley system to pull me the rest of the way, my husband looked down at me, reached for my hand, I took a deep breath and said, "Ok Shannon, straighten your shit out....you got this"! And I did! We made it to the top and it was breathtaking. I had a cookie and a drink of water, which I was wishing was wine, and took a million photos so I would have proof of this accomplishment. 

In this life we need to make thing's happen and this is where hustle comes in.

I think there are way too many excuses in every day life and it can become a struggle to make our own shit happen. Don't get me wrong I can also be guilty of this. But at least I'm aware and admit it! What's your excuse?! I feel like reality often slaps us in the face, but for some reason we let the stupid in. We are quick to place blame or skirt subjects that couldn't be more in our face if it were puberty.

As I age I think about things with a bit of a twist- I guess I'd say.  I think about what I have and what I don't have and why.  I have learned to put myself first in a selfish, not so selfish sort of way. This works for me, but I'm sure some of my nearest and dearest think otherwise... I don't care. I truly do not! I know who I am inside and out.

I think back to some of my younger years, which if I'm honest, don't even seem that far in the past, and wonder what the hell I was thinking. Why did I decide to stay at that shit job, or with that asshole who wouldn't even OFFER to pay for the date that HE asked me out on. And now I can say that I'm in such a strong and positive place in my life, that those things were what helped make me who and what I stand for today.

All those life experiences and all the ones to follow are the stepping stones of my version of a perfect life.  My perfect life!  So going forward with my own personal life,  I continue to focus on what makes me happy and what helps me to find the place of sincere happy that fills my internal battery. And when all is said and done, no matter what happens or presents itself in my life, I know "I GOT THIS", whatever "THIS" may be!