Do you remember when you were younger and heard people talk about their hangovers, and how long they would last? I bet you thought, "yeah sure ya old bastard, whatever, toughen up! "I would also bet that you are regretting that now aren't cha! That is if you're in your mid to late thirties or older, because I can honestly say that if I drank like I used to, I would have a hang over for a week! I mean it! I remember the days when I could go to the allocated booze cupboard, ( you know the one with all the left over smorgasbord of pre drinking booze that your friends left behind), make up some sort of concoction that I could swallow down for some effect. A drink that I would never have the mental capacity to come up with now. Drink however many glasses of whatever it was that I came up with , and then think that having one more of everyone's favorite, and good old faithful -TEQUILA, was a good idea.
I had a great pre-drink going out game! I mean, I could hammer back the booze, still walk and talk and look what "I" thought, was some sort of attractive to the opposite sex. Like at that pre-going out stage, it's a wonder I was ever allowed into a cab! But you're agile when you're on your best game aren't you. At least at that stage and age. And by best game I mean, the sheer embarrassment of being so drunk there is no way you would ever feel good about yourself in any sort of way the next day, if you remember anything at all.
When I lived with my roomie and one of my best friends, we would take a cab, (but only on special occasions, like if one of us got a good sale at the liquor store) and were therefore saving the cost for a cab. Or there were those fun sprints in 4 inch heels, that weren't broke in yet, to take the skanky ferry because it was even cheaper than a cab. And my roomie would ask me not to talk to the cab driver. As I have said in my "About Me" page, people ALWAYS talk to me and tell me their life's stories. So sure enough, I would talk to the cab driver. It always started with something like, "how is your night going?, Which bars have you been doing a lot of drop off's at?" And if we're being serious here, I was mainly asking to find out where the majority of hot guys were. You know the ones that looked amazing with beer goggles on, but like a bag of smashed assholes to a sober person.
So it seemed natural to chat with the cab drivers. But what seemed unnatural were , the dance moves I had when I was drinking. It's like I could contort my body in ways I never knew possible of myself. And yet there I was, grinding one of my best friends, that would otherwise be like, " what the fuck are you doing?", in sober life. Tucking my purse in a hole of some oddly placed speaker, or at my feet of the disgusting dance floor. Not sure what I was worried about being stolen. The only thing worth taking would be my over priced lipstick and ID. But as the years went on I got smart! I would put my ID in my bra, on the side so it wouldn't dig in ( you're welcome younger versions of myself :)
Which leads me to the fact that I would never do that now. Why you ask? Because the "middle age spread" has taken over my life! It's like I just woke up one day, which for me was just after my 37th birthday, and my actual body had looked as though it had spread wider. WHAT THE HELL !!! It's bad enough that my tits have for some reason grown like chia pets that have been well watered. So now, its soooooo much fun shopping for someone who is not only short with big tits and hips, but also a torso that looks like I have on a life jacket at all times under my clothes.
Anyways, the weekly hangover and middle age spread, are two of those "important" subjects that people tell you about throughout your life. And there are certain people that make sure you NEVER forget about them! But, until they happen, which they may not for you, just enjoy those weird drinks that seem like they should have their own zipcode, and the middle age spread that once it happens you will just want to eat more chips and dip. Love your years, young or not, because they are all you've got! And love your curves and age, because all of this helps define who you are, and where you came from!