Over my morning coffee this morning I got to thinking about my younger self. And when I really started to think about it I tapped into how my thoughts have been shifting lately. And that got me thinking about “why”. When I think about my younger self, I don’t think about the lack of joint pain I had. I don’t think about the car I drove, the school I went to or even what crazy haircuts I had. I do however think more in terms of what I’ve actually and truly learned, and continue to learn about myself.
I love the fact that I’m almost like a new version of my older self in many ways, but yet in many ways, still the same. I’m sure so many of us have heard, “ if I only knew then, what I know now…” But have you actually sat down and thought to yourself, “What the hell do I now know that perhaps I would have inserted into my life at THAT stage?” I believe that we should live without regrets. That the choices we made, at those times or turns in life, were all just our way of helping to shape and prepare us for any of life’s many turning corners. The road isn’t straight. And if it were, I don’t think we’d have as much fun digging deeper into ourselves.
You take so much from your parents, or whomever had the privilege of raising you. Their beliefs, some characteristic traits, the way they made their bed before starting their day, the way they held their fork when they ate. But whether or not we have kept those things as part of our own lives moving forward into our own daily rituals, all depends on how much we tap into our very own. Of course there are genetics and also behaviors that we’ve picked up and taken on from our loved ones. I know that like most women I stand with my hands on my hips, especially when I’m thinking or talking about something serious. I run my kitchen much the same as my mother does hers. I find many things funny that my parents do. I don’t always keep my dresser drawers unplugged, neat and tidy, rather I am known to stuff things in at times when I’m running around with other things on my mind that seem more important. I could go on.
Then I got thinking, what would I tell my younger self. And what do I find myself saying to younger people, or even older people, when I feel like the very real possibility of downward spiraling self sabotage is lerking. And these are some of the thoughts I have. I quite simply wish I was kinder to myself. And that I didn’t allow guilt to fuel so many of my decisions. I wouldn’t have cared that my weight wasn’t where I thought was a sexually accepting number. I wouldn’t have cared that I had a little cellulite, or that one of my breasts was larger then the other. I would have thought deeper about my reasons for doing things, and saying yes. I would have said NO more. I would have asked myself, what it was that “ I “ wanted, not what others wanted for me. I would have ignored any sort of comparison that was made about me, to someone or something else.
I would have told myself that its ok to slow down, take some time out just for YOU, and don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise. That taking time out for you is one of the most important things you’ll ever do for yourself. That it will mean that you come first in your own life. That you are important, valued, treasured, special, unique and worth it. And by taking time for yourself you are saying that you know all of this. That you recognize your worth and importance, and don’t require the acceptance of anyone else, because you matter…to YOU! You recognize without self love and care, you wouldn’t be able to create, grow, and give back to others in the way that you do. That slowing down doesn’t mean you are loosing a part of what makes you…you. It just means that you’re allowing yourself to age with kindness and grace. It’s ok that you can’t fit more into your day, because YOUR best is the only best that matters.
I’d tell myself that it’s ok, not to be ok. That crying doesn’t mean that you’re not strong enough, or having a nap in the middle of the day when the body is telling you to, means that you value your body and brain. I’d tell myself, that opinions are just that…they are not fact. That what others think of you is none of your business and I’d believe it. I’d tell myself to listen to my gut, not my heart or head, because that can get twisted. And not to let others influence your thoughts to sway in their direction. That you know what’s best for yourself.
I would tell my younger self that life is going to show up in ways that you don’t expect. That it’s going to be tough, and hard at times. That you are going to have your heart broken, more than once, but through that heartbreak you will learn to respect yourself. I would tell me, that some of the most important people in your life, will be sitting on the sidelines, waiting for you to fail. But you will prove them wrong. That making waves created from your spontaneous decisions, doesn’t mean that you’re naive. It just means that you crave more. More culture, more food, more adventure, more knowledge. Just more.
I would tell myself that I’m a good person, who loves big and will fight for what’s right for myself to the death. That living my own life is the only way to live. And knowing that will only help you to become a version of yourself that others will be envious of, in such a way that will fill your heart with pure joy and human decency. I would tell myself that one day you will go through something so life changing that you could have never comprehended it. And that many will expect it to change the way you think about and live your life. But you will confidently know that it doesn’t, because you will always live your life to the best of your ability. You will be able to answer this question with such sincerity and truth, because you’ll know that life is for living, not watching.
Dear me, you’ve got this, trust yourself completely and fully. Laugh, cry, love, stay, leave, eat, drink, be merry. LIVE
Xxx