In a 2018 article I read that quote “ The Y chromosome may be a symbol of masculinity, but it is becoming increasingly clear that it is anything but strong and enduring. Although it carried the “master switch “ gene SRY, that determines whether an embryo will develop as male(XY) or female (XX) it contains very few other genes and is the only chromosome not necessary for life. Women after all, manage just fine without one.” End Quote,
Now just as a point of interest, this article was written by two men from a prestigious university. So not by some bitter twisted wives, which admittedly so, sounds like myself in this blog post, but by two men that surely know what they’re talking about. And while this article comes from a science based back ground, my knowledge, therefore power (as my mother in law would say), comes from every day life of living with someone who has this bizarre Y chromosome. And I say… “Y” did I do this to myself chromosome?! LOL
Yes, I do love my husband. Of course I do. Or why else would I have married him? But as the days and the years go by, I cant help but thinking that this was some sick joke that the universe is playing on me. A joke that maybe went wrong, and its now just a life lesson or test of my patience, sheer will to live, and character. And to you ladies that are reading this out there, do you notice that every time we start out a conversation or gripe about our beloved husbands, we always intro with… “ I love my husband…but he blah blah blah”?
I have asked my husband on a few different occasions if he goes to work and complains about me, and he has always responded with,“ no”. And to that I say… OF COURSE HE DOESN”T! What the hell does he have to complain about??? Now before any of you think, “wait a second Shannon, you’re not perfect either”, I know that! In fact, I have a long list of things that I’m most certainly not good at, and I’m sure as shit not “perfect” at anything, but there in lies the first issue…I can admit it! Where as with this lovely “Y chromosome “ based human, this quality isn’t one of their finest. I already know that I’m A LOT of person. I have a big personality and that can be taken wrong at times, or prove to be too much for one to handle. I’m ok with that. I’m very quick with my actions, both physical and thought, I talk A LOT, I’m not super tidy but I am clean, my joking sarcasm can often be taken literal, I spoil my dog too much, I crave interactions and spontaneity and that too can happen all to quickly for some. The list goes on. But I can also tell you this, when I’m all in, I mean it. And I will take the time to do my best to take care of someone, listen, let them be heard and also fully understood. The same can NOT be said for the opposite sex (I’m speaking from my own experience here, not everyone else’s).
I’m not saying that all “Y” chromosome based humans are like this, but I just happen to know some of them, and certainly hear about some more. Men and women are just different creatures altogether. And I love that. But it makes me wonder why on earth, can’t we figure each other out to the point of such openness and communication, so that we don’t need to be constantly repeating and rehashing things every few months. This is where us women are known to “nag”. And yeah…I agree we do sound like we are nagging at times, I’m sure of it! But here’s a thought, if they would switch the selective hearing button off, and just do as we asked ( within reason and compromise of course) we wouldn’t sound like nagging partners!
Not so fun fact… we spend one third of our lives at work. And do you find yourself wondering where the time goes in the day? From the time our feet hit the floor, to the time we slip them back under the covers at night, it can sometimes feel like we haven’t blinked all day, because we haven’t had time. Just last night while my husband and I were chatting when he got home from work, he said to me…” I’m gone 5 days a week for 11 hours a day, I sleep for 8, so that leaves 5 hours of the day, but what happens in that time?” And I looked at him and told him straight, as I knew exactly what happens in that time…we talk every night after work. Its something my parents taught me and still do to this day. So my husband and I have taken that on board. Its a good way to stay connected with one another when our lives are so busy. But the sad part is that its literally 1 hour of the day. That being said, the 4 hours remaining, my husband will do the garbage ( if its that one of 2 days a week ) he showers, plays guitar, studies (currently he is studying for an exam which is 2 months away) , he will watch some tv and then read before bed.
Sounds quite nice hey! Now lets talk about what I do. Actually I’ll save you the time, because the answer is… EVERYTHING ELSE!!!! Now before you go “there”…I’m not saying he doesn’t do things around the house, or in the yard. He is clean and tidy, so that is not a worry. And he will say to me ( when he sees that there is no amount of hemorrhoid cream in the world that will fix the bags under my eyes, and my hair hasn’t been washed in a month and therefore lives in a constant mom bun, to which I do not have to children to blame that on) “ just ask me to help babe if you need me to do something”. Can I just tell you how fucking angry this statement makes me? My response to that is …”Why the hell do I need to ASK you to do the things you see that need doing? The very things that you so often remind me you would do if I wasn’t in the picture and how YOU were JUST FINE before I came into your life!”
Yes, he works very hard at his outside the home job. He is a commercial plumber. But let me just tell those of you that don’t know my husband, there is no pep in his step, no urgency to anything he does. Matter of fact, if there was a fire he wouldn’t think to just grab what’s easily accessible and run…no, he would slowly and with sloth like motions, look for HIS shoes! He would then expect that I would grab the file folders with all of our most important information in them, and anything else valuable. He wouldn’t think… “HOLY SHIT THERE IS A FIRE…LETS GET OUTTA HERE BABE…I’VE GOT THE DOG!” Hahahahha!!! Makes me chuckle just thinking about it to be honest. And some of you reading this are probably thinking, Shannon this is so mean. Maybe it is, but these are the facts! LOL
During our conversation last night we really talked about our roles in the house. And while he was complaining about how tired he is, and all that he does is work, I said…” I love and appreciate all that you do for us.” And just so you all know, I very frequently remind him of this, with little letters in his lunch ( that I make), texts during the day, notes on the white board for him to see as soon as the sleep clears from his eyes in the morning, and to his actual face. However, while he is the bread winner in our home, who do you think does something with that “bread”? We do! Us women that’s who! Like I told him, I’m the one that takes the bread and toasts it, butters it, makes breakfast to go with it, bakes it, adds cheese to it, makes it into garlic bread, adds it as a side to meals ( that I prepare), makes his favorite sandwiches with it, and cleans up the crumbs. I could go on, but you get the picture!
After our chat last night I could tell the tone of the conversation had a different type of understanding to it. You see, men can seem selfish at times. Is that because we women just do so much? We take on too much? We are too controlling or push too much? Are we simply expecting too much of our partner? Maybe. But where is the line drawn then? We seem like a nag because we need help with something, or we’re tired and would love for the other 50% of our relationship to help a little more. To carry some of the load. Why do we women need to remember all the fine little details? Do men just not have the capacity to think…” oh wait, she looks so tired and has been telling me just that. Maybe I should call for my own subscription on one of the breaks furing the day that she doesn’t have or take, or just simply remember to change the oil in the car without asking her to remind me to do it. To which then I will just tell her to stop nagging me.” Its a vicious cycle…is there a right and wrong? I don’t know the answer to that. But what I do know, is that times have changed, and the world has gotten so extremely busy that I think we all forget that we need to slow down.
If you’ve taken the time to read this and think I’m a total bitch for writing it, to you I say, I’m sorry I’ve wasted your time( although I didn’t hold a gun to your head lol ) but this is how I feel. And many of my nearest and dearest female family and friends feel the same and can relate! ( without names, you know who you are, and you’re welcome :) My husband doesn’t like to be “told”. He admitted that himself just last night. And while we were having such an open and honest conversation about the roles we each play in our relationship, I think he actually understood just how much I do around here to help keep our worlds ticking along in a way that helps to take some of the added pressure off of HIM during the week. ( notice I said HIM, and not ME?)
But then where does that leave me? Or us wives/partners? So I have decided to make some changes. I’m going to start by leaving the dishes after supper when my legs/feet and back are just too sore to stand anymore. I’m going to let him clear my plate after supper instead of the other way round. I’m going to do more just for ME. That may be going away for a night or two alone or with a friend( which I recently just did and have plans for another getaway very soon). And if it takes me ASKING for help from my husband, then that’s apparently what I need to take on board and do. ( but let me tell you if he dares complain to me about actually helping me… he better sleep with one eye open! lol )
At the end of the day, we are all just trying to do our best, but men seem to have genetically got it sorted a tad better then us ladies. Oh to have an “empty box” (yes this is a real thing, google it!:) in our brains. I’d pay good money to have that genetic trait!!! LOL. We as women are superheroes in my mind. We are strong in body and mind, compassionate, thoughtful, trailblazers, multitaskers…and quite simply…we are home. And I for one, truly believe that if the world was womanless….well there wouldn’t be a world would there! Because who would Toast the Bread?
XXX
