So after my husband was given the medication and kept at it for a few weeks, things started to settle. Or so we thought. Work was still "just work" for Billy, and I was at home not working at this time. It was more important for me to stay home, and keep a routine for my husband. We were still setting up our home here in New Zealand, so I dealt with any of the issues we seemed to be running into. It just worked better for me to do as much as I could, to take some of the thinking off of my husbands shoulders. Even right down to the small things like, what we were going to have for supper.
I made all the plans for us to get out on the weekends to do and see as much as we could, and as much as he could mentally handle. There were things like going to the Bowls Club here, in our little town, that were hard for Billy to do. I wanted to get out and be social and meet new people. But he just wanted to get home from work, shower and stay on the couch till bed time. So I forced him to get out and be social, not for long (well maybe too long for him sometimes, but I had to stay true to myself as well). We would be out for an hour or two and then go home.
We did things on the weekends that were less populated, as best we could. And sometimes we would just stay at home on the weekends, because just going for groceries was often a feat in itself. Then there were all the times that we would be asked to go to dinner or do something new and fun, and we either turned the offer down or I would have to think of an excuse, because it was that uncomfortable for my husband to do it. Which also left me in an awkward situation. But these are the things we do for the ones we love.
I come from a tough love sort of background and family, but I have always marched to the beat of my own drum. In that, I have stayed true to myself and it has helped me grow into the woman I am today. But for some people that are battling this mental illness, not knowing who they are is a BIG PART of their hard work on the road to their recovery. That's why keeping some sort of routine and allowing for down time was such a huge part of keeping my husband in as good of frame of mind as I could.
Through all of this routine and hard work, was the counselling sessions. When we first went to the doctors he set us up straight away with an appointment, and then the waiting began. And as we were waiting, things weren't getting better, in fact, they seemed to be getting worse. So I made a phone call to the wellness center and got things moving along a bit quicker. Now I know that the counselling is for my husband but we do everything together and he wanted me there every step of the way-so I was. He also had such a hard time remembering everything he was talking about or learning so it was helpful to have me there to listen and nudge a bit when he needed the help. We had 8 full sessions and they were wonderful. Billy's counselor was lovely, and had a very similar story to his. So that was an instant connection which really helped Billy feel more at ease. And can I just say, the change in Billy from the first session to the last was incredible. We both shed a lot of tears and he was able to open up in a different and safe environment, about some of the things he has been holding on to and not talking about since his childhood.
We have a very open relationship and therefore talk about EVERYTHING. We had already talked about most of what we discussed at counselling, but this was a place that he could feel a bit more "normal", when being so open. Which by the way is so not his thing to begin with. So I was extremely proud of him for giving himself this gift of realizing that he deserved to be heard and felt like he NEEDED to do this for himself. On top of counselling we also read books. We first read John Kirwins "All Blacks Don't Cry". It was a great place to start and get more familiarized with this illness in a more 'life connecting" sort of way. I went to the library and took out more books to read as well. And whatever he read, I did too. I wanted to be on the same page as best I could with him at all times , literally.
This was the very beginning of this illness, that truly is life consuming in every way! We read, we talked it out, we cried , A LOT! He started taking medication, we went to the counselor, and we got out and stayed as active as he was comfortable with. But at all times, I pushed him! He didn't always like it, but too bad, because as he now says, it's a hell of a lot better then the alternative. It came, and still continues to, from a place of love and appreciation for my husband. And knowing that he deserves so much more for his own life, as his own person.
And this is just the beginning...
