So while I'm writing these blogs and getting back so many lovely messages from friends/family and new friends/strangers, I realized that most of the return comments, are in part of wishing me the best and hoping that things turn around for my husband and I. Now while I know this all comes from a place of love and genuine care, I want everyone to know that as I have said in previous blogs, "I got this". And I will continue to have it until I can't anymore.
Even though this past year has thrown some real curve balls,( and is continuing to do so), it has also been such an amazing year, in which we have been truly blessed in so many ways and by so many people. When you are looking ahead and the world chucks some adversities at you, you power through. You find the glory in the moments that present themselves to you. Instead of looking down you keep your head up, breath deep and appreciate.
As I am writing this, my husband and I are sitting at a friends cottage. It's placed on top of a hill and has a wonderful view. The sheep are in the paddock, the possum is climbing the tree, and the stunningly impressive sounds of the birds, are enough to make you want to stop and just sit. Or write!
Sure I'm not feeling the best, and therefore not at the top of my game, but coming here for just one night has been so rejuvenating for the soul. My soul. I'm still taking it easy and listening to the doctors,( and by doctors, I mean my husband, mother in law and anyone else who knows me well enough), who say that I need to just take it easy and try not to be so damn stubborn for once in my life. This is NOT my strong point, but for sure has been a real good learning curve for me:) This whole year has been a real learning curve! Sure my husband was diagnosed with depression and while it was so easy for people to think that he was just a miserable prick, he was actually hitting HIS all time low. And yes, I got shingles on my face of all f*#king places. It wasn't attractive and it was painful. And now facing the health issues I have been confronted with, has not made for the best year of my life- health wise that is.
But with any darkness comes some sort of light. And I choose to see the light. To stop and smell the roses, to hear the sounds and songs of nature, to breath in the freedom and wanderlust for life that I truly have. I try and have an upbeat outlook on life. Now this isn't to say that I don't feel a bit down some days, or have a cry in the shower, or shed tears when I'm feeling at my personal weakest. It just means that for every bad day I am having or could, I have more days that lift me up! And it's not that I'm creating that. The days experiences and life, do it all on their own. It's right in front of you - realize it! Be present in the moments of your own life!
I'm a good person. I want the best for everyone. I would never see harm on anyone, friend or foe. And I truly believe that the universe is on my side. Sure the universe may send me those curve balls, but baseball was the one sport in school I actually liked! :)
Since being in New Zealand, we have been blessed with some amazing friends who have shown us, and continue to show us, the true meaning of graciousness. We have really hit the jackpot in the friends department that's for sure! And while the kiwi people are laid back, hard working, always willing to lend a hand and kind, I like to think that if they didn't see the genuine me or us, they wouldn't be so forth coming with their generosities.
So yes, sure, this year has been a real shit storm of health problems for my husband and I, but the highlight real of the true story has been AMAZING!!! We miss our family and friends dearly. Skype and face time aren't the same as a hug, but the allowance of human growth for both my husband and myself has been phenomenal. We feel a sense of peace here in New Zealand that has filled our lungs with a different breath of life. But sometimes it's just time to move on. To get out of your comfort zone and create a life you know you deserve but maybe didn't expect.
As "they" say, there will always be ebs and flows in ones life, but during those ebs and flows, make the most of every moment, even if it hurts. Fill your soul to the brim with the smiles and experiences that have gravitated your way. Realize that your "SOUL" purpose on a daily is to make your life just a bit better. By being a good person, holding the door for someone, and choosing to see the light in your own personal battles.
You have one crack at this....make it count! Swing hard at those curve balls!